Saturday, November 28, 2009

The Good Guy Pose- The Maguindanao Massacre

Remember what this is? Oh come on. I know you know what I mean...

That's right. Now here's one for you!

This, as we all know, is the good guy pose. It may be the most common- or most profound gesture that expresses approval over an action or accomplishment. It can also be translated as a form of reassurance over a matter that brings about the air of extreme doubt.

With fifty people found dead in the aftermath of the Maguindanao massacre, we can only help but think about how screwed up the world is. I'm not going to talk about any political analyses here, or any crap about why this happened and what must be done- everyone knows that already, everyone knows what must be done, it's just that no one's brave enough, or rich enough to do it.

For that, I give the good guy pose for any person out there for not being able to do what must be done, given that he/she has the resources to do it. Fuck you, you inconsiderate ass-wipes.

I give the good guy pose to the Ampatuans, who're going to get screwed because they got their heads shoved way up their asses. (I have to say though, they must be punished- Justice must be served on the part of the people killed). They're monsters, yes, that's true and it's rumored that their political rivals were direct descendants of their clan as well. You know what that means: food fight! Kidding aside, I know a lot of people would crave for justice, and would call to the present administration to stop the growing culture of fucking impunity- but they don't give a shit. That's the way it works, i guess. That's why I'm giving them another good guy pose. They killed a lot of people and they are actually going to get away with it!

I also give the good guy pose to the Moro warlords in Maguindanao as a form of approval- Yes! Kill all the bastards that haplessly murdered innocent women and children. Shoot their testicles, rip off their pubic hairs one-by-one. Tickle their feet until they die. While you're at it, you might as well point that gun on your fucking Jihadist heads and pull the Goddamn trigger. You're no different.

And the ultimate good guy pose goes to the President of the Philippines who's done everything she can to make the Philippines a worse place and by making sure that everyone's lives are as screwed up as they should be.

.condolences to the victims of the massacre. the REAL GOOD GUY POSE goes to you. may you find eternal rest.

Friday, November 13, 2009

5 Reasons why Left 4 Dead 2 sucks

The much awaited Left 4 Dead 2 has more stink than boomer bile and smoker gas. Ones that excited gamers and followers of the Left 4 Dead franchise may have, perhaps, overlooked. Several gaming groups have pledged to not buy the game because- its sucks- on their part. Is there really more value in bloody chainsaws and deadly frying fans?

Let me get to the point:

1. Left 4 Dead 2 is nothing but a rip-off of most survival horror games (most importantly, of Left 4 Dead). When you've gone through enough games with rampaging undead/infected people and shoot or hack your way through, you have to stop at one point in time and ask yourself: "Is this all there is in life?"

2. The plot sucks- wait a minute- there is no plot. A lot of people have been arguing that the beauty lies right there. I say, unless Left 4 Dead 2 is able to come up with some sort of story, then it'll be nothing more than a senseless shoot 'em up/ hack-and-slash with no point at all.

3. The characters suck. Well, okay, I just thought that they should not have had replaced Zoey. I mean, let's face it, Zoey is one of the hottest characters that hit the gaming world. Why? Because her simplicity suggests a hidden sexual beast (Or I'm probably just in to chicks with guns and bloodlust). The new special infected also suck because theyr'e rip-off of the first 4 special infected. The Charger is a big guy with a big-ass right hand that, well, charges at a survivor to some distance and just whacks him up and down like he was masturbating. The Jockey is some freak that likes taking piggy back rides on survivors. The Acid spitter, well, spits acid and makes a murky bog for survivors to step on and get their health damaged.

4. The melee system is pointless. It just drives gamers to hack and slash their way to hordes of zombies and special infected. I just don't get it. The inclusion of a samurai, a chainsaw and the dreaded frying pan makes the game a screw-up. I mean, really, come on. Who would bring a frying pan to whack the undead back to hell?

5. The games developers must be really sucking in some big money this time. Why would I pay for something that I can get off the 1st game? Left 4 Dead is cool enough with totally likeable characters and an urban setting fit for zombie owning and tank-slaying. I think it's awful that big-ass corporations have to resort to this in order to gain more buck. I miss the old days of gaming where everything is simple. Kill or die.

I hope they don't sell episodic versions of the series- wait a minute- there are no episodes. I remember, there is no plot.

But I guess that the corporate world does run in this way and we absolutely have no way of changing it. Talk about a zombie apocalypse..

I wish Zoey was there.

Left 4 Dead 2 hits the stores on November 17, 2009.
Ready your frying pans!